IT'LL BE A COLD DAY IN...

There's a new CEO for BP.  His name is Robert Dudley.  The old one, Tony Hayward, is being sent to Siberia.

Really.

MY CLIENT IS AN IDIOT TWO

At closing arguments for two men tried for plotting to blow up JFK airport, defense attorney Mildred Whalen said the plotters had "seen too many Bruce Willis movies.

She said her client, Russell Defreitas, was a "weak-minded, foolish man with a big mouth."

This is known as the "My client is an idiot" defense.

MY CLIENT IS AN IDIOT

As the Rod Blagojevich trial winds down, defense attorney Sam Adam gave his closing arguments.

He said his client is naive and a poor judge of character.  Adam claimed that when Blagojevich was looking to fill Barack Obama's empty senate seat, "He even talked about Oprah Winfrey.  These are ideas that that nobody's going to say he's the sharpest knife in the drawer."

This is known as the "My client is an idiot" defense.

ALL THE QUEEN'S SWANS

British boatmen wearing royal livery are conducting a count of swans in the Thames.  By law, all the swans in England belong to the queen.

It's good to be queen.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"Well, it uh, the impact is more of a ... you know ... anything, anything along the ... the uh ... the ... shore and those issues are very serious issues and there ... the impact is on the ... the uh (long pause) you know, what is, the natural resource of our country, uh, but ah ... I don't know that it's, I don't know exactly, uh, to what extent it's being handled well and managed or mismanaged I have no idea. The only thing I know is it's very sincere and it's, it's uh, it affects more than Louisiana and it affects (muffled pause) ... the ocean."

-- Louisiana State University football coach Les Miles answering a reporter about the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.

CRIME NEWS

A Bartlesville, Oklahoma man is in jail facing charges of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend two days after he was arrested and released on bail facing charges of kidnapping the same ex-girlfriend.

And so it goes.

***

Eight current or former Tulsa police officers are either under indictment or under investigation for crimes variously ranging from stealing money, stealing drugs, selling drugs, and framing people for drugs.

Wow, Tulsa really is becoming just like a big city.

###

LIONS AND TIGERS AND POPS, OH MY!

As the heat wave continues, Tulsa zookeepers are looking for ways to cool off the animals. Among other things, they're feeding the big cats -- lions and tigers -- popsicles.

Blood popsicles.

Yum.

UP THE FOOD CHAIN

Idaho has a problem with pelicans that are eating up the Yellowstone Cutthroat Trout.

So the Idaho Department of Fish and Game has come up with a solution. They're bringing in skunks and badgers to eat the pelicans.

Next: How to get rid of skunks and badgers.

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"I don't want non-whites in my country in any form or fashion or any status."

-- Billy Roper, a write-in candidate for governor of Arkansas, a self avowed tea party member who says he attends tea party rallies to gather support.


“If I was a black man, I’d get down on my knees and thank God for slavery. Otherwise, I could be dying of AIDS now in Africa.”

-- Ron Wight, tea party activist, at an April rally in Kansas City


“What’s the difference between the Cleveland Zoo and the White House? The zoo has an African lion and the White House has a lyin’ African!”

-- Poster at an Ohio tea party rally.


“Obamacare: Coming soon to a clinic near you.”

-- Sign at a tea party rally, with a photo depicting President Obama as a tribal witch doctor, wearing a headdress and a bone through his nose.


“Congress = Slave Owner, Taxpayer = Niggar.”

-- Sign held by Dale Robertson, founder and president of Houston-based TeaParty.org at a 2009 tea party rally.

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, please refudiate."

(Refudiate?)

-- Sarah Palin's recent twitter.


"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."

-- Comedian Sam Levinson.

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS...

A British trader has been fined 72,000 pounds for trading oil futures while drunk.

Remember, don't drink and trade.

ALWAYS SIGNAL YOUR TURNS

The Oklahoma Highway Patrol pulled over driver Ricky Hunter for failing to signal a turn.

First, Hunter presented a fake driver's licence with a picture that didn't even look like him.

Next, he failed a field sobriety test.

Then, it turned out he was a Colorado prison escapee doing time for larceny.

So now, in addition to the escape charges, hunter faces local charges of driving under the influence, presenting a false I.D. and driving without a valid license.

And failure to signal.

GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE ARE OFF THE HOOK

Germany is presenting a Jewish-friendly passion play.

This year's script is even approved by Rabbi Gary Greenbaum of the American Jewish Committee.

The Bavarian village of Oberammergau opened the show in 1633 in return for God ending the Black Plague. It's performed every ten years and stars about half the village population of 2,500.

In the new version Christ is still crucified, but at least this time around my people didn't do it.

THE KING IS GONE

Police are searching for a seven foot tall statue of Elvis Presley stolen from the roof of the Happy Day Diner in Rosedale, Maryland.

Elvis has left the building.

HAPPY TRAILS

Wanna' buy a dead horse?

Not just any horse.

Trigger.

Trigger was Roy Rogers' famous horse. After he died -- the horse, not the cowboy -- he was lovingly stuffed and mounted, and is up for auction at Christie's Gallery in New York.

Also for sale, Roy Rogers' jeep -- Nellybelle -- his boots, 60 pairs, and his dog named bullet.

The dog is dead, but well preserved.

IN SPORTS...

American Rick "Pellet Gun" Krause won the International Chery Spitting Competition in Eau Claire, Michigan, with a 51 foot 3 inch spit.

His wife Marlene won the women's division with a pit spit of 34 feet 6 inches.

That's one small spit for a woman, one giant spit for mankind.

I'M JUST SAYIN'...

Coal mining deaths this year --

• 29 in an April 5th explosion in West Virginia.
• 90 in May in an explosion in Kaspadskaya, Russia.
• 152 in March through May in explosions, fires and floods in China.
• 47 in June in China's Henan province.
• 71 in an explosion in Columbia.

Nuclear power deaths this year --

• None.

Nuclear power deaths at Western power reactors, ever --

• None, ever.

I'm just sayin'...

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose."

-- J. B. S. Haldane, British biologist.


"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?"

-- Albert Einstein.

QUOTATION FROM THE LUNATIC FRINGE

"I actually support microchipping them. I can micro-chip my dog so I can find it. Why can't I microchip an illegal?"

-- Pat Bertroche, candidate for the Republican 3rd District primary in Iowa, on illegal immigrants.