Turkey celebrated its republic's 84th anniversary with huge military demonstrations.

Tanks and other war machines rolled through the streets and torchlight parades lit the night.

Turkey's president rode with his military chief in an open Cadillac on the streets of Ankara, led by a cavalry troop and followed by fighter jets flying in formation, while troops rappelling from helicopters danced across the sky.

In Istanbul, armored vehicles drove on streets lined with saluting soldiers and flag waving citizens.

And then, to top it off, the Turkish military invaded Iraq.

According to Jewish law, every seventh year is a sabbatical -- or shmita -- year when Jewish farmers must let their fields lie fallow. And this is such a year.

But Israel's chief rabbi has ruled that Jewish farmers may sell their land to goyim -- non Jews -- temporarily for a year and still legally sell the produce.

Which reminds me of a story my rabbi used to tell.

In the story, a rabbi wakes up one winter sabbath morning to find that an overnight blizzard has blanketed the countryside. The rabbi must walk to shul -- the synagogue -- for morning prayers but he can't bring himself to mar with his footprints the perfect whiteness of the snowfall.

So he gets some goyim to carry him.

U Par Par Lay is a Burmese vaudevillian. Here is his favorite joke.

"U Par Par Lay goes to India to have his toothache treated. The Indian dentist wonders why the Burmese man has come all the way to India.

"'Don't you have dentists in Myanmar?' he asks?

"'Oh yes we do, doctor,' Mr. Par Par Lay says. "But in Myanmar, we are not allowed to open our mouths.'"

Government agents raided his theater last September 25 and took U Par Par Lay away. He hasn't been since.

Some things just aren't funny.

(New York Times)

The Red Ribbon Campaign is recalling some wristbands because the anti-drug message is printed like this: "I've got BETTER things to DO than DRUGS.

They feel it might convey the wrong message.

Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham says he gave up drinking after he rear ended a car last week.

At the kickoff fundraiser for his re-election, he's cancelled the cash bar.

He feels it might convey the wrong message.

The New Hampshire legislature may ban two handed text messaging while driving.

One handed would be OK, but on the other hand it would be illegal.

Last month, lawyers for death row inmate Michael Richard filed for a last minute stay of execution with the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals at 5:20 PM. However, the court closes at 5:00 PM. The client died of lethal injection at 8:23 PM.

And thus we learn the importance of being on time.

Quotation of the day --

"Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work."

-- attributed to HennyYoungman.

In Oklahoma, the Governor’s Ethnic American Advisory Council presented copies of the Queran to all 149 Oklahoma lawmakers, in the interest of education and understanding. Twenty-four lawmakers refused the gift on the grounds that Islam endorses violence --

("The punishment of those who pit themselves against Allah and His Messenger and strive to make mischief in the land is only this, that they should be murdered or crucified or their hands and their feet should be cut off on opposite sides... Queran 5:33-34)

-- and oppresses women.

("And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness." Queran 24:31)

It should be pointed out that, earlier this year, all lawmakers accepted their free bibles.

("If you hear it said about one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you to live in that wicked men have arisen among you and have led the people of their town astray, saying, 'Let us go and worship other gods,' then you must inquire, probe and investigate it thoroughly. And if it is true and it has been proved that this detestable thing has been done among you, you must certainly put to the sword all who live in that town. Destroy it completely, both its people and its livestock." Deuteronomy 13:12)

( "The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open." Hosea 13:16)

("If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, 'I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity,' then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the town elders at the gate... If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death." Deuteronomy 22:13)

Police arrested Craig McCullough in Cedar Rapids after he was found on the floor of a restroom -- pants down -- with an inflatable love doll.

The doll was not charged.

Craig was convicted earlier for stealing a mannequin wearing a wedding gown from a bridal boutique.

Statutory rape?

The problem: aphids and mites.

Manhattan's largest housing project -- the 80 acre Stuvyesant Town and Peter Cooper Village -- is infested with them. How to rid the complex of billions of aphids and mites?

The solution: ladybugs.

The complex has imported 750,000 ladybugs from Bozeman, Montana, to eat the aphids and mites.

Next: How to rid the complex of 750,000 ladybugs?

Mumbai, India, has banned domesticated elephants from the city. They say that the hot, crowded, polluted streets are just too cruel for elephants.

For people, though, it's still OK.

Also in India, a gang of rampaging Rhesus Macaque monkeys killed the deputy mayor of New Delhi.

The city is overrun with these monkeys. So New Delhi is using Langur monkeys -- a natural predator -- to get rid of the Rhesus Macaques.

Next: How to rid New Delhi of Langur Monkeys?

Tampa high school teacher Christina Butler, 33, was arrested for having sex with a 16-year-old student.

I don't think she should go to jail. I think she should get a medal. I wish my teacher had done that for me.

Especially my history teacher. She was a sweetie.

In Anchorage, Ruth Seetot didn't know her 22-year-old grandson held a party in her apartment Friday until the next day when she found a body in her freezer.

When confronted, grandson Elmer apologised and ran away from home.

What's a grandmother to do?

The Feds busted 70-year-old Max Moss for running a moonshine still in the Chattahoochee National Forest. He could get five years prison.

In my opinion, he shouldn't be put in a prison. He should be put in a museum.

Delta Airlines lost two pieces of luggage Sunday on take-off from Chicago's Midway Airport when a cargo door opened in flight.

One bag was found less than a mile from the airport. The other is still missing.

Airlines lose about 14,000 bags every day. Most are lost on the ground.

You can get great travel bargains if you go in the off season.

It takes a $70,000 royalty to climb Mount Everest, but Nepal will give 75% off if you do it in the winter.

The last successful winter climb was in 1993, when the temperatures were only minus 55 degrees.

But hey, a bargain's a bargain.

Isn't it ironic.

The Cincinnati "Peace Bowl," a youth football tournament promoting non-violence, was halted after a fatal shooting.

And a peace concert in the Palestinian West Bank was called off after the organizers received death threats.

An Alabama high school student is dead after a shooting that broke out as a group of Prattville High students and a group from Wetumpka High argued over who has the best football team.

Four people are charged with murder, but authorities have still not determined which school has the best football team.

Semi-disgraced radio-host Don Imus is returning his act to television on the RFD-TV cable network.

RFD stands for Rural Free Delivery, as in Mayberry RFD.

Other shows on the channel include Cattlemen to Cattlemen and Horse Babies.

A correction --

A United Nations document reported on an unnamed Syrian diplomat saying that the Israeli missile strike in his country did hit a nuclear facility.

But the official Syrian Arab News Agency says the diplomat was misquoted, and in fact the missiles did not hit a nuclear facility.

Hey, anyone could make that mistake.

Quotation of the day:

"A word to the wise isn't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice."

-- Bill Cosby

A food-on-a-stick update.

I thought the Tulsa State Fair had pushed this idea as far as it could go.

I was wrong.

In the alleyways near the Forbidden City in Beijing, the outdoor food vendors are selling --

• butterflies on a stick.
• larva on a stick.
• snake eggs in a stick.
• ostrich egg in a stick.
• roast bat on a stick.

But, no corn dogs.

Here in Tulsa, Alfred Houston Johnson died just five days before he was to go on trial for shooting his girlfriend to death.

While in custody, Johnson was hospitalised with hepatitis C, cirrhosis of the liver, diabetes, an ulcer, hypertension and scabies.

Johnson's cause of death has not been determined.

Here in Oklahoma, it became legal this year to get yourself tattooed.

But in Oklahoma City, it's still illegal to tattoo a fish.

The City Council apparently believes it's just too cruel to tattoo a fish.

So when authorities found $1,700 worth of tattooed tropical fish at a pet business, they seized the fish and had them euthanized.

Which begs the question: Is it crueler to live tattooed, or not to live at all?

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has been dis-invited to speak at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota, because Tutu has said some unkind things about Israel and the university didn't want to offend Jewish people.

Instead, he'll speak at Metropolitan State where there are, presumably, fewer Jews.

On the front page of the Tulsa World today is a photo of 10-year-old Emily Bevill kissing her pig -- his name is Freddie -- goodbye.

Emily raised the pig for the Junior Livestock Auction at the Tulsa State Fair, where he'll be sold for slaughter.

It's a sad story. And it's not one you'll find in The New York Times.

The 2008 presidential campaign is heating up and and the big issues of the day are Hillary's laugh, Obama's flag pin and, of course, Edward's hair.

Oh wait, there's also health care, taxes and a big war somewhere.

The New York State Police set up a drunken driving checkpoint upstate over the weekend and caught 22 illegal aliens.

The Mexicans and a Guatemalan were passengers on a bus. They were not drunk and they were not driving.

Is it Myanmar, or is it Burma?

In the news today --

• The New York Times called it Myanmar.
• USA Today called it Burma.
• The L.A. Times called it Myanmar.
• The Washington Post called it Burma.
• CNN called it Myanmar.
• The BBC called it Burma.

I don't remember such confusion since Peking became Beijing, or Yugoslavia became...

What do they call Yugoslavia now?