Remember Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who reportedly wore diapers and drove 960-miles to be charged with burglary, and the attempted kidnapping, battery and assault of her love rival?

Well, her lawyer says it's not true. He says she didn't wear diapers.

A nine-year-old Maryland boy who stuffed a lit sparkler in his pants pocket the other day has been hospitalised for extreme stupidity.

He'll live, to regret it.

Louisville, Kentucky, hosted the National Senior Olympic Games last week. The results: two cardiac arrests.

Guantanamo detainees are slowly receiving status hearings to determine whether they stay in jail or go free.

The hearings are held in secret, no defense lawyers are allowed, and the detainees can't see the evidence against them.

But even more bizarre, if the Pentagon brass does not like the verdict, they can have the hearing done over. Some detainees have had as many as three hearings before the tribunal finally got it right and declared them enemy combatants.

Try once and if you don't indict...

Cars are getting way too complicated.

The owner's manual for the Lexus LS 600h I is 684 pages. It comes with an additional 339 page manual for the navigation system and a 74 page quick start guide.

The Mercedes GL has a 584 page owner's manual, 240 page book for the electronic control system and a 44 page warranty book. Additional service and product guides, and a quick start manual, bring the page count to 983.

Even the lowly Kia Rio has 256 pages of instructions.

This is really scary when you consider that the flight manual for the Cessna 172 I used to fly had only 73 pages.

Islamic leaders in the Detroit area have signed a peace agreement to halt acts of violence between local Sunni and Shiite.

If Sunni and Shiite can make peace in Michigan, then why not in Baghdad?

Christopher Anderson, in his new book After Diana: William, Harry, Charles and the Royal House of Windsor, writes that Prince Harry may not really be the son of Prince Charles, but the product of an affair between Princess Diana and her lover James Hewitt.

Chris says he wrote this book about Diana to "defend her honor."

But Majesty magazine editor Ingrid Seward leaps to the prince's defense saying, "It's so obvious when you see Harry. He is the spitting image of (grandpa) Philip. His close-set eyes are a Windsor trait."

It seems to me that the royals could use fewer defenders.

Both Pepsi-Cola and Coca-Cola have announced an agreement to halt all animal testing of their products. Now beasts that want a soda-pop will have to buy it, just like the rest of us.

The Georgia State Board of Regents is requiring all incoming college freshman to take a writing and reading test to insure that all Georgia college students actually know how to read and write.

Rogers County, Oklahoma, commissioners wanted to make English the official language of the county.

But they tabled the proposal when local Cherokee Indians pointed out that their tribal language was spoken in this country long before English.

Now a member of the Cherokee Nation Tribal Council wants all county buildings to have signs in both English and Cherokee.

So there.

Saturday was Queen Elizabeth II of England's official birthday.

Her original birthday was April 21, but she moved it to June 16. She's the queen, she can do that.

Elizabeth celebrated with a parade featuring more than a thousand troops accompanied by a flyby of military aircraft. There were thousands of cheering tourists.

It's good to be queen.

Delcambre, Louisiana, has a dress code. The town council has banned saggy pants. If your droopy drawers reveal any underwear or buttocks, it's a $500 fine or six months in jail.

Now if only they'd just ban stretch-pants on fat ladies, tank tops on hairy men and eyebrow-rings on anybody.

Some citizens of Gaza, sick of civil war, held a peace march yesterday.

The toll is two dead, 14 wounded.

Los Alamos National Laboratory can't account for 38-drums of radioactive waste. So check your neighborhood, your yard, under the bed. It has to be somewhere.

Paris Hilton, busted for driving with a suspended license while on probation for driving with a suspended license, is in the slammer for 23 days for serial stupidity.

Paris says this has "completely changed" her life. "I have had a lot of time to think and to reflect on my life and realize what is most important."

And she said that BEFORE she went to jail.

The FBI says five terrorists who plotted to blow up JFK airport thought that the government informant who busted them was sent by God to help them.

Bad call.

Some stone markers that mark the border of South Dakota are missing. Parts of the South Dakota border have turned up in people's yards and small town museums. Officials are asking people to please return South Dakota's border. The South Dakota State Historical Society reminds you that possessing any part of the border is a federal crime.

The first person on record to survive rabies without vaccination, after she picked up a rabid bat by the wings in 2004, says she plans to study zoology at Marion College where she will, presumably, be taught not to pick up a rabid bat by its wings.

A warning to Tulsans... don't answer your doors this weekend.

The Jehovah's Witnesses are having a convention here this weekend. There will be thousands of them... all pumped up with religious fervor and copies of The Watchtower.

China is scrapping plans for a high speed train route because residents are afraid that the train is radioactive.

It's a demon haunted world.

I guess it's guilt by association.

A traffic stop and a drug dog found two men and a truck in Minnesota with 40,000 pounds of hard candy and 1 1/2 tons of marijuana.

The DEA says the marijuana will be destroyed... and so will the candy.

So the government sent Sabrina Walker a $2.5 million check.

Sabrina had done some work once for the state and her vendor number was one digit away from a medical center that was due the cash. It was a keyboard error.

What would you do with that kind of money?

Sabrina spent it.

• $500,000 for a certificate of deposit.
• $500,000 for a Treasury bond.
• $100,000 to a former boyfriend.
• $39,971 for a Land Rover LR2.
• $38,967 for a Range Rover.
• $34,861 for a Chrysler Crossfire.
• $8000 for two retirement accounts.
• $5,500 for jewelry.
• $5,400 for a 1969 Buick Electra.
• $3,817 at Best Buy.
• $2,069 for limousine services.

Bail is set at $200,000.

I hope she can afford it.