The Tulsa State Fair is in town. Of course, Tulsa is not a state. There’s a reason it’s called the Tulsa State Fair. But I forget the reason.
Back when, fairs had real freak shows and girly shows. I remember seeing the tall man, fat lady, bearded hermaphrodite and a guy with three eyes and two noses. Only two of the eyes were functional. I don’t know about the noses.
It was at the Honesdale, Pennsylvania, county fair, in the strip tent, that I saw my first completely naked lady in person. Her name was Bubbles. She was not a pretty sight. Bubbles was overweight and unattractive. Still, there was a certain amount of clinical interest.
The Tulsa State Fair used to have girly shows. This is true, I looked it up.
But not anymore.
And freak shows? There it is, on the midway, a tent covered with posters promising, among other things, the world’s tallest girl, ugliest man, two headed calf, two headed baby, sruken (sic) head, Figi (sic) island mermaid, Siamese twins, and – be still, my heart -- a man with three eyes and two noses. All for an admission price of two dollars, so step right up.
Of course, I did. Here’s what I found.
The world’s tallest girl was a plaster statue.
The two headed baby was also made of plaster. The sign called it a facsimile, along with a warning to say “no” to drugs or your baby could look like this.
The two headed calf was a clever piece of taxidermy, as was the Turbalope: a combination turtle, rabbit and antelope.
The Figi island mermaid was something in a jar, looking like a pickled embryo. It was hard to tell what it was, let alone what it was made of.
The srunken head? It was there, looking just like the plastic ones we used to buy as kids. They were a big fad in the 50’s; don’t ask me why. Maybe this particular shrunken head was real, but by now I was pretty skeptical.
The Siamese twins were just an old newspaper photo, as was the world’s ugliest man.
And the two-nosed, three eyed man was nowhere to be found.
***
Elsewhere at the fair, the people-watching was as great as ever. Yes, many of us go to the fair to look at each other. And that’s a good thing. Because to each other, most of us look pretty funny.
Beyond that, there is plenty of music, cooking demonstrations, and rides to lose your corn dogs on.
One exhibit I couldn’t find this year was the world’s largest pig. In years past, he was usually set up across the walk from a pork barbeque booth. And I always wondered: Does the world’s largest pig smell the barbeque? Does it make him hungry? And does he know it’s a pig?
Back when, fairs had real freak shows and girly shows. I remember seeing the tall man, fat lady, bearded hermaphrodite and a guy with three eyes and two noses. Only two of the eyes were functional. I don’t know about the noses.
It was at the Honesdale, Pennsylvania, county fair, in the strip tent, that I saw my first completely naked lady in person. Her name was Bubbles. She was not a pretty sight. Bubbles was overweight and unattractive. Still, there was a certain amount of clinical interest.
The Tulsa State Fair used to have girly shows. This is true, I looked it up.
But not anymore.
And freak shows? There it is, on the midway, a tent covered with posters promising, among other things, the world’s tallest girl, ugliest man, two headed calf, two headed baby, sruken (sic) head, Figi (sic) island mermaid, Siamese twins, and – be still, my heart -- a man with three eyes and two noses. All for an admission price of two dollars, so step right up.
Of course, I did. Here’s what I found.
The world’s tallest girl was a plaster statue.
The two headed baby was also made of plaster. The sign called it a facsimile, along with a warning to say “no” to drugs or your baby could look like this.
The two headed calf was a clever piece of taxidermy, as was the Turbalope: a combination turtle, rabbit and antelope.
The Figi island mermaid was something in a jar, looking like a pickled embryo. It was hard to tell what it was, let alone what it was made of.
The srunken head? It was there, looking just like the plastic ones we used to buy as kids. They were a big fad in the 50’s; don’t ask me why. Maybe this particular shrunken head was real, but by now I was pretty skeptical.
The Siamese twins were just an old newspaper photo, as was the world’s ugliest man.
And the two-nosed, three eyed man was nowhere to be found.
***
Elsewhere at the fair, the people-watching was as great as ever. Yes, many of us go to the fair to look at each other. And that’s a good thing. Because to each other, most of us look pretty funny.
Beyond that, there is plenty of music, cooking demonstrations, and rides to lose your corn dogs on.
One exhibit I couldn’t find this year was the world’s largest pig. In years past, he was usually set up across the walk from a pork barbeque booth. And I always wondered: Does the world’s largest pig smell the barbeque? Does it make him hungry? And does he know it’s a pig?
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1 comment:
If you can't make it to the fair this year, visit People of Walmart for some of the same kind of fun.
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