LUNATIC LETTER

Here are bits of the latest lunatic letter to the editor of my local paper, The Tulsa World, under the headline "Impeach Obama" --

"He lied with every breath he took during the last presidential campaign in order to deceive  the American people into electing him.

"I have wondered why such a bigoted, unpatriotic, crooked, egotist has gotten by this long without having articles of impeachment brought against him. His every action -- and the radical people he surrounds himself with -- clearly indicates he has nothing but sinister plans for the future of our country. ...

"What kind of upbringing did he have to cause such misguided hatred of his country? Apparently he has not a hint of idea how average Americans think, what their values are, nor the heritage that gives them tremendous pride in their country.

"Impeachment proceedings should be initiated as soon as possible. We will not have a country left if he serves out the remainder of his present term."

"THEY ARE STUPID"

"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that  party again in our political history. Among them are H. L. Hunt, a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."

-- President Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1954.

TRUE CRIME

A California jury has failed to unanimously convict of murder a teen who, before a classroom of witnesses, took careful aim at the back of a classmate's head and shot him to death.

Go figure.

An Arkansas man who confessed to killing his one month old son is demanding a new mental evaluation to prove that he really is not guilty by reason of mental defect.

But if he knows he's crazy, then can he really be crazy?

Just askin'.

A marijuana truck overturned on a San Jose street, spewing bundles all over the intersection. The driver ran away.

Drivers and pedestrians scooped up most of the packages, so little cleanup was required.

OOPS

Washington D.C. is suing the non-profit Cornell Jones Miracle Hands for (D.C. says) taking a more than $300,000 city grant for a job training center for people with HIV/AIDS and instead building the "Stadium Club" featuring nude dancers.

Oops.

OOPS

Two suicide bombers in Pakistan targeted Brigadier General Khurram Shahzad, deputy head of the Frontier Corps, for assassination. The blast killed 22 people. Shahzad survived.

Oops.

A SOBER PEOPLE

Salt Lake City police who set up checkpoints over the Labor Day Weekend stopped more than two thousand motorists failed to find even one drunken driver.

Just thought you'd like to know.

NO SQUIRTING, WE'RE IRANIAN

Iran has banned squirt guns.

When a good natured water fight broke out at a Tehran water park, police raided the place and arrested dozens of young men and women. Security forces are still tracking others down. Seventeen more people were arrested at a water park in the city of Bandar Abbas. Agents are searching toy stores for the source of the guns. Water warriors are being forced to confess on TV.

The Fars News Agency, a mouthpiece for Iran's Revolutionary guards, claims Zionists and Americans are instigating the squirt gun fights.

Tehran's police chief promises, "Police will deal forcefully with park violators who are threatening the security and peace of our society."

And lawmaker Hossein Ibrahimi adds, "These events are a disgrace to our revolution. Our security forces and judiciary must stop the spreading of these morally corrupt actions."

(WSJ)

NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN TO COME TO THE AID OF THE PARTY

Arizona only officially recognizes five political parties: Democratic, Republican, Libertarian, Green and Americans Elect.

But some others show up in election records. They include the...

• Disaffected Party.
• Flying Spaghetti Monster Party.
• Apathatarians Party
• Zombie Hunters of America Party.
• Awesome Party.
• Charles Barkleyism Party.
• Galactic Empire Party.
• Democrasaurus Rex Party.

And the...

• Dance Party Party.

TOUGH TIMES IN TULSA

Are Tulsa politics becoming a blood sport?

Tulsa City Council incumbent G.T, Bynum was invited to the home of Tulsa City Candidate Robert Pinney to discuss things. It was a few days after the shooting of Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.


There, Council candidate said to Council incumbent, "You know, I'm really surprised you came to meet with me today with all the stuff that happened this weekend, because it is passionate guys like me who shoot politicians like you."

Pinney now gets a security escort whenever he visits City Hall.

Let the campaign continue!

A VENGEFUL GOD

“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now."

-- Michele Bachmann

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES

My cancer has spread to my lungs and brain.


So far, I have or have had cancer in my colon, lymph nodes, liver, lungs and brain.


Collect all five!


Treatments have included surgery, surgery, chemo, embolisation, radio ablation and surgery.


Next week, I start on radiation.


The adventure continues.

I FEEL THE EARTH MOVE

Remember that earthquake that hit the East Coast the other day? Now we know what caused it.

Gays.

So says New York Rabbi Yehuda Levin. He reports, "One of the reasons that God brings earthquakes to the world is because of the transgression of homosexuality. The Talmud states, 'You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn't belong. I too, will shake the Earth.'”

But, hey, some of his best friends might be gay.

The rabbi says, "We don't hate homosexuals. I feel bad for homosexuals. It's a revolt against God and literally, there's hell to pay."

So, that explains it, then.

REPUBLICAN MEMORIES OF 9/11/2001

Here are how some Republicans remember the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon:

•  "We inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation’s history. And President Bush dealt with it". -- Mary Matalin, December 2009.
• “We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush’s term."  -- President Bush's ex–Press Secretary Dana Perino November 2009.
• "We had no domestic attacks under Bush.” -- Ex–New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, January 2010.
• "We were certainly safe between 2000 and 2008 — I don’t remember any terrorist attacks on American soil during that period of time.” -- Fox News host Eric Bolling, July 2011.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"You develop an instant global consciousnesses, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, 'Look at that, you son of a bitch'"


-- Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell.

SENATOR COBURN EXPLAINS IT ALL TO YOU

Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn addressed local gatherings on Tuesday.He explained to the assembled that President Obama's "intent is to create dependency, because it worked so well for him."
"As an African-American male," Coburn explained, Obama received "tremendous advantages from a lot of these programs."

Coburn called his fellow Congress members "a class of career elitists" and "cowards" and said "it's a good thing I don't pack a gun on the Senate floor."

Speaking for my fellow Americans I believe we all agree that that is, indeed, a good thing.

DOWNGRADED, DEGRADED

So Standard and Poor has downgraded America's credit rating from AAA to AA+.

Is this the same ratings firm that gave a AAA rating to bundled mortgages containing toxic assets which bankrupted banks, crashed the stock market, ruined the economy, put Americans out of work, forced a government bailout and nearly caused a worldwide depression?

Yes, it is.

CRIME NEWS

Here in Tulsa, the judge sentenced a man to 75 years in prison for robbing a Walgreen's pharmacy while he free on bond for robbing a Walgreen's pharmacy.


Try once, and if you don't succeed...

***

As best I can make out, it was a game of strip golf that left a naked lady on the putting green at the Boiling Springs golf course over in Woodward County, Oklahoma, during the  Elks Lodge Rodeo Golf Tournament. The sheriff says he won't press charges because he can't find a complaining witness. 

***

And police don't know why a man climbed 150 feet up a Tulsa radio tower during a lightning storm., but they'll try to find out as soon as he comes down. He's been up there now for 19 hours.

(8/13 update -- After 36 hours he's still up there, and drawing a crowd.)

(8/14 -- He's still up there.)
(8/15 -- Still there!)
(8/16 -- Still.
8/17 update-- After 128 hours, he's down and safe, dehydrated but OK. Police are taking him to what they call a "mental health facility," what I call the "booby hatch.")

###

BETTER FOR THE BULL

This year's Weld County Fair in Colorado features bullfighting.


But it's a kinder, gentler bullfight. Instead of matadors, there will be rodeo clowns. And instead of killing the bull, the clowns will just annoy it a little.