AND NEVER SMILE AT A CROCODILE

The Summer Olympics are coming to London. But what to do with those pesky tourists? VisitBritain, the national tourism agency has issued guidelines for dealing with foreigners. And since the Olympics are still two years away, there's plenty of time to practice.

From the guidelines:

• Don't stare at a Japanese person.
• Don't mistake a Canadian for an American.
• Don't ask Brazilians personal questions.
• Don't snap your fingers or point at a Belgian.
• Don't wink or point at a Chinaman.
• Don't discuss poverty, immigration, earthquakes or the Mexican-American war with Mexicans.
• Don't be offended by Argentine jokes.
• Don't be offended by Australians' crude language.
• Expect the French to be rude.
• "Indians are in general, an impatient lot, and like to be quickly attended to. The more affluent they are, the more demanding and brusque they tend to be."
• Middle Easterners "are not used to being told what they can't do."
• Americans are "informal to the point of being very direct or even rude" and complain a lot.
• Foreigners believe Britons to be honest, efficient and unpleasant.