BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ

Fidel Castro says Osama bin Laden is a CIA agent, bought and paid for by the USA.

He says he knows this because he read it on the Internet.

So it must be true.

PISSED OFF

A man walked into a mosque in Queens, New York during evening prayers, shouted "terrorists," added some racial slurs, and then peed on the prayer rugs.

Police say the the incident may have been alcohol-related.

QUOTATION FROM THE LUNATIC FRINGE

“The scourge of illegal immigrants… are running rampant across America, killing our police for sport, raping, murdering like a scythe across America. The Statue of Liberty is crying, she’s been raped and disheveled. Raped and disheveled by illegal aliens!”

-- Talk-radio host Michael Savage.

DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT...

One in five Americans believe President Barack Obama is a Muslim.  According to recent polling, one in five Americans also believe --

• The Sun revolves around the Earth.
• Witches are real.
• Alien abductions are real.
• Don't know who the U.S. declared independence from.
• Can't find the U.S. on a map.

(Huffington Post)

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE

Islip, New York has banned free-range poultry after wayward chickens in the College Woods neighborhood were seen crossing the roads.

JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT

Conservative columnist James J. Kilpatrick was born here in Oklahoma.  He died last Sunday.  He was 89.

Here are some of his writings.

"The Negro race, as a race, is in fact an inferior race.."  -- From an unpublished column, titled "The Hell He Is Equal," written for the Saturday Evening Post magazine, 1963.

"Conservatives believe that a civilized society demands orders and classes, that men are not inherently equal." -- In Nation's Business magazine, 1978.

"This constitutional time bomb is the contrivance of a gang of professional harpies. Gadzooks!  Zounds!  Horsefeathers!" -- On the proposed equal rights amendment, 1970.

FREEDOM TO WORSHIP, NEW YORK

“Publique worship is Tolerated… but to those that professe faith in Christ.”

-- New York City’s Common Council, 1685.

I QUIT

I had my own Steven Slater moment.

I'm in total sympathy with Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who quit via escape chute.  Sympathy, hell.  The guy is a hero and inspiration to all the overworked who are not paid half enough for the shit they have to take.

My moment came decades ago in far northern Maine when I was a DJ for a small radio station.  During my show, the chief engineer -- who was also the assistant general manager -- entered the studio and, as was his habit, began to chew me out for something he imagined I had done or not done.

But this was one time too many and I just wasn't in the mood.  I stood up, told him "That's it, I quit," and walked out the door with a record still playing on the turntable.

I never looked back.  I had a job at a station in the next town within a week or two.  And when I think back to the event, it still makes me feel happy.

AND NEVER SMILE AT A CROCODILE

The Summer Olympics are coming to London. But what to do with those pesky tourists? VisitBritain, the national tourism agency has issued guidelines for dealing with foreigners. And since the Olympics are still two years away, there's plenty of time to practice.

From the guidelines:

• Don't stare at a Japanese person.
• Don't mistake a Canadian for an American.
• Don't ask Brazilians personal questions.
• Don't snap your fingers or point at a Belgian.
• Don't wink or point at a Chinaman.
• Don't discuss poverty, immigration, earthquakes or the Mexican-American war with Mexicans.
• Don't be offended by Argentine jokes.
• Don't be offended by Australians' crude language.
• Expect the French to be rude.
• "Indians are in general, an impatient lot, and like to be quickly attended to. The more affluent they are, the more demanding and brusque they tend to be."
• Middle Easterners "are not used to being told what they can't do."
• Americans are "informal to the point of being very direct or even rude" and complain a lot.
• Foreigners believe Britons to be honest, efficient and unpleasant.

...AND DAMNED IF YOU DON'T

US Customs border agents are arresting illegal immigrants trying to return to Mexico through regular border crossings.

File this under "Damned if you do..."

ANOTHER YEAR ABOVE GROUND

Today is my birthday!  Da da da da da da!

That's one more year above ground, and a year closer to social security.

I used to have long hair.  Now I don't have any.

I used to not trust anyone over 30.  Now I don't trust anyone under  30.

I used to have dreams.  Now I have naps.

But I've done almost everything on my bucket list.  I got my pilot's license, did a lot of sky diving,  some scuba diving, became a radio celebrity, was in a major motion picture, have traveled through most of this country and some of the world, lived a lot of places and had a lot of sex, and married a beautiful woman who is smarter than me.

On the other hand I've never been a principle player in a Hollywood film, as I'd hoped to be.  Never had sex with (Insert your favorite celebrity crush object here).  I never made it as a New York DJ.  Unless you count Long Island.  I was thinking more Manhattan.

Yes, I know, I'm not the only baby boomer with diminished expectations.  Where are our flying cars?  Our jet packs?  Our TWA flights to the moon.  (Or TWA flights to anywhere, for that matter.)

And what happened to that nuclear holocaust we were expecting?

My father died at the age of 91 watching football on TV, no hospitalization, no lingering illness, and his team was winning.

So maybe I've got 30 years.  Or, given an annoying but persistent cancer tumor, maybe less.

So what to do?

I'd like to live long enough to collect social security.  I'd like to buy a small travel trailer and live a lot more places, if I can convince my wife.  Or maybe, if this fad for far right wingnuts fades away, I can return to the radio airwaves.

I should live so long.

THE WRETCHED REFUSE

Immigrants make up nearly one third of Americans with doctorate degrees, according to the census bureau,

I'm just sayin'...

IN A WORD

“Fucknutsville.”

-- President Obama's Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel describing Washington, D.C.

HATS OFF TO DEMOCRACY

The Mohave County, Arizona Board of Supervisors has ruled that hats are incompatible with democracy.

Two hat-wearers were ejected from a recent meeting.  Hats are against the rules.  The board chairman says hats "will not be tolerated."

Evidently, the people's business cannot be conducted while wearing hats.

PARTY PARTY PARTY

With nearly 100 bars serving the campus, The University of Georgia has been ranked the nation's top party school by the Princeton Review.

Once again, Oral Roberts University here in Tulsa did not make the list.

SING ALONG WITH MITCH

Mitch Miller has died at the age of 99. Here are some things you probably didn't know about his career.

• When Orson Welles panicked the populace with his 1938 radio drama "War of the Worlds," Miller was part of the show. He was in the CBS Symphony Orchestra, playing the oboe.
• He produced Rosemary Cloony's breakout hit "Come On-A My House." Novelist William Saroyan wrote the song with his cousin Ross Bagdasarian (aka David Seville) who went on to record the chipmunk songs.
• In 1993 the FBI tried to drive David Koresh and his Branch Davidian cult members out or their Waco, Texas compound by blaring "Sing Along with Mitch" Christmas albums over loudspeakers. It didn't work.

(NYT)

THE JERSEY SHORE

"What it does is take a bunch of New Yorkers -- most of the people on 'Jersey Shore' are New Yorkers -- drops them at the Jersey shore and tries to make America feel like this is New Jersey."

-- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie discussing the TV show "Jersey Shore."


"Well, maybe they are better when they're in New York than in New Jersey."

-- New York Governor David A. Patterson rebutting Governor Christie.


"Do you know who I am? I'm Snooki.  You can't do this to me."

-- "Jersey Shore" star Nicole Polizzi, AKA Snooki, while being arrested for disorderly conduct on the beach at Seaside Heights, New Jersey.


"I've got to admit, I don't know who Snooki is."

-- President Barack Obama on the TV show "The View."

OOPS

A Taliban suicide bomber targeting a provincial Pakistan information minister blew himself up outside the minister's home, killing seven and wounding 25.

The minister was away from home at the time and was unhurt.

Oops.

***

A suicide bomber trying to kill the governor of the Dand district in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan set off his explosives prematurely and killed five children.

The governor was unhurt.

Oops.

***

Anti-semites launched five rockets from Egypt into the Israeli city of Eilat. No one was hurt. A sixth rocket missed the country of Israel entirely and killed one person in Jordan.

Oops.

###