THAT'S MY LEGISLATURE!

Lock up your children, Oklahomans, and bring your barnyard animals inside. The Oklahoma legislature is back in session.

Here's a look at what those rascally representatives are up to this time.

House Joint Resolution 1042 would make English the state's official language, and the only language Oklahoma could use for state business. The exceptions would be the deaf, the blind, and Native Americans. The deaf could continue to use sign language, blind people could use Braille, and Indians could use their Native American language. Presumably if you're a deaf and blind Indian, you'd have a choice of languages.

House Bill 2252 would ban driver license tests in any language but English. As one representative explained it, "It's common sense. If they can't speak English they can't read signs."

(Personal disclosure: I rented a car in Mexico one time and went driving all around the country without being able to speak Spanish. Once I learned what "peligro" meant -- It means "danger." -- things went pretty well.)

(This also reminds me of my father-in-law, who said Puerto Ricans drive so badly when it snows in New Jersey because they don't understand the English-language weather reports on the radio.)

Senate Bill 289 is the Religious Freedom and Privacy Act. It would ban fingerprints for driver licenses. In fact, it would ban all biometric data. You know, fingerprints, palm prints, facial characteristics, height, weight, eye color, whatever. The sponsor says this information is now being shared with Canada, Mexico, and other countries in the furtherance of a "one world government" that will take away our freedoms and our currency. As another senator told the sponsor, "Man, you scared me to death."

House Bill 1330 would place a monument of the ten commandments on the grounds of the Capitol. Only the text of the King James protestant version would be authorised, not the Jewish or Catholic translations. Can you say, "establishment of religion?"

And twenty house members voted to strike from the record the opening prayer in the house chamber because the reverend who gave it turned out to be gay.