QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"Facts are stupid things."

-- President Ronald Reagan attempting to quote John Adams' line, "Facts are stubborn things."

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"Brothers should pull up their pants. You are walking by your mother, your grandmother, your underwear is showing. What's wrong with that? Come on.

"Some people might not want to see your underwear - I'm one of them."

-- Barack Obama

THIS SHOW MUST NOT GO ON

The principal of Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach, California, cancelled the planned performance of "Rent" after she figured out the play has gay characters in it.

The school's drama teacher says he may stage the play "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" instead.

THAT'S MY LEGISLATURE!

Lock up your children, Oklahomans, and bring your barnyard animals inside. The Oklahoma legislature is back in session.

Here's a look at what those rascally representatives are up to this time.

House Joint Resolution 1042 would make English the state's official language, and the only language Oklahoma could use for state business. The exceptions would be the deaf, the blind, and Native Americans. The deaf could continue to use sign language, blind people could use Braille, and Indians could use their Native American language. Presumably if you're a deaf and blind Indian, you'd have a choice of languages.

House Bill 2252 would ban driver license tests in any language but English. As one representative explained it, "It's common sense. If they can't speak English they can't read signs."

(Personal disclosure: I rented a car in Mexico one time and went driving all around the country without being able to speak Spanish. Once I learned what "peligro" meant -- It means "danger." -- things went pretty well.)

(This also reminds me of my father-in-law, who said Puerto Ricans drive so badly when it snows in New Jersey because they don't understand the English-language weather reports on the radio.)

Senate Bill 289 is the Religious Freedom and Privacy Act. It would ban fingerprints for driver licenses. In fact, it would ban all biometric data. You know, fingerprints, palm prints, facial characteristics, height, weight, eye color, whatever. The sponsor says this information is now being shared with Canada, Mexico, and other countries in the furtherance of a "one world government" that will take away our freedoms and our currency. As another senator told the sponsor, "Man, you scared me to death."

House Bill 1330 would place a monument of the ten commandments on the grounds of the Capitol. Only the text of the King James protestant version would be authorised, not the Jewish or Catholic translations. Can you say, "establishment of religion?"

And twenty house members voted to strike from the record the opening prayer in the house chamber because the reverend who gave it turned out to be gay.

TEN -- MAKE THAT FIVE -- NO, MAKE THAT THREE -- COMMANDMENTS

And about this ten commandments thing. I keep hearing from people who say that the commandments are the basis for all our laws, and that's why we should teach them in school and post them at the courthouse. I don't see how people who say this could ever have actually read them.

So let's take a look at these commandments. Different religions and denominations use different translations. We'll stick with the King James version. The commandments appear two times in the bible in slightly different form. We'll use Exodus chapter twenty. And the ten commandments are not numbered in the bible. Numbering schemes vary. We'll use the Protestant numbering.

• (1) I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

What a country! I can worship any God I want, or no God at all. I can worship cats, or dogs, or Elvis Presley. I can hold satanic prayer meetings at my house. Of course my neighbors might burn my house down, but it's still technically not illegal.

• (2) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

As I read it, this commandment would pretty much ban photography as we know it. But it's still legal to take a picture of anything I want to, including God if I can just put some salt on his tail. Of course, the jealous one will smite my great-great-grandchildren for it. If He exists.

• (3) Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

By law, you can call God anything you want. Of course, your neighbors still may burn your house down.

• (4) Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Some towns do have Sunday closing laws. But some congregations (Jews, Seventh Day Adventists) observe the Sabbath on Saturday. So work if you have to and rest if you can.

• (5) Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

If I tell my parents to go to hell, I may go to hell, but I won't go to jail.

• (6) Thou shalt not kill.

Not just the law, but a good idea as well.

• (7) Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Adultery is not generally illegal. Although such laws are still on the books in some places, they are struck down regularly. This one is mostly left to spouses to enforce.

• (8) Thou shalt not steal.

Good law. Good idea.

• (9) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

This one is a tough call. Slander is illegal. Libel is illegal. Lying under oath is illegal. But lying itself is not illegal. People do it all the time, and there aren't prisons enough to hold them all.

• (10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Coveting illegal? This is America! We covet all the time. We covet our neighbors house, and his car, and her ass. Don't you watch TV commercials? Where have you been?

So of ten commandments, we have maybe three that have any basis in U.S. law. But somehow I don't think they'll be posting the three commandments at the courthouse anytime soon.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN), in a TV interview, says she opposed the stimulus package because --

"We're running out of rich people in this country."

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Britain's new 13-year-old father, when asked by a reporter what he would do support his child financially, replied --

"What's financially?"

NOT WHAT HE INTENDED

The chief of an Islamic TV station in upstate New York is under arrest for beheading his wife.

Muzzamil Hassan -- who has confessed to the beheading -- says he founded the TV station to help combat negative stereotypes of Muslims.

Oops.

I HEART CONVERSATION

Valentines day is Saturday, and stores everywhere are selling those chalky tasting little candy hearts with the heartfelt messages on them. Does anyone really eat those things?

They're called Necco Conversation Hearts and have been around since1866. Some of the messages have been around since the beginning.

• Be Mine
• I Love You
• Kiss Me

Some messages from the past are no more.

• Be Good
• Be True
• Fax Me

Some are new this year.

• Yum Yum
• Honey Bun
• Stir My Heart

And some messages have never been on Necco Conversation Hearts and probably never will be.

• I Heart Heart
• Eat My Shorts
• Got Chalk?

(Tulsa World)

LIVING LIKE A NEW YORK BANKER

From last Sunday's New York Times came a brilliant article by Allen Salkin titled, "You Try to Live on 500K in This Town." President Barack Obama wants to put government assisted bankers on a $500,000 yearly salary diet. In his article, Salkin looks at the actual yearly expenses of New York bankers:

• Two children in private school: $32,000.
• Private tutoring: $3,750.
• Federal taxes on a $500,000 income: $130,000.
• Social Security: $31,000.
• Medicare: $7,228.
• State taxes: $35,000.
• City taxes: $19,000.
• Two vacations a year: $16,000.
• Mortgage on a modest three bedroom apartment: $96,000.
• Co-op maintenance fee: $96,000.
• Mortgage on summer home in Southampton: $240,000.
• Armed chauffeur/bodyguard: $125,000.
• Garaging the car: $8,400.
• Personal trainer three times a week for $80/per.: $4000.
• Three formal gowns for charity balls: $35,000.
• Brooks Brothers suit: $1000.
• Total yearly cost of being a rich New York banker, before food: $975,378.

In the end, it's nice to know that the really rich live just like the rest of us: paycheck to paycheck.

(NYT)

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"I've got principles. And if you don't like those, I've got others." -- Groucho Marx.

MISTER MAGOO RUNS NEW YORK

NBC's Saturday Night Live is having some fun with New York Governor David Patterson. He's blind, you know.

SNL's Fred Armisen plays him as a bumbler who crashes into cameras and reads charts upside down. And the blind are outraged, outraged. And so is the National Federation of the Blind.

Me, I think the protests are hypocritical. I doubt that most of these complainers have even seen the show.

A TWO-BIT THIEF

The former head of the New Castle, Pennsylvania, parking authority is accused of stealing more than $100,000 from parking meters.

Where are you going to spend money like that? Let's think this through. Can you buy a BMW with quarters?