This is exactly how I remember it.

I dove deep into the dark water, fighting for the light and life of the surface even as white-coated people below tried to drown me. One had me by the throat, holding my face still, as another forced water up my nose.

I was all so horrifying and obviously nightmarish that I decided I must be dreaming. So I tried to wake up. But I couldn't. I tried all the tricks of lucid dreaming. None of them worked. The last thing I remember thinking as I choked for air was, "From some dreams, you just don't wake up."

That's exactly how I remember it. I was later told I yanked out four nasal tubes before the white-coats stopped trying to insert one.

I feel fine. I just have a touch of stage four cancer.

When people ask, as they do in passing, "How are you?" I want to answer, "I have cancer, how are you?"

But I don't. I just say, "Fine."

Still, I wonder if my cats will outlive me.

So on Tuesday a surgeon will go where no man or woman has gone before: deep into the bowels of my bowels, with a knife.

The adventure continues.

BABY GET YOUR GUN

The Oklahoma State House is taking up a bill that would allow licensed 18-year-olds to carry concealed weapons. The minimum age now is 21.

Representative Jerry Ellis says, "In my district when you turn 18, you already have 16 years of experience with a gun."

Armed two- year- olds. You heard it here. Pardon me while I take cover.

(Tulsa World)

Virginia has made all organized animal fights illegal. The law applies to all animals: pit bulls, cockfights, fighting crickets, whatever.

Organized human fights, however, are exempt from the law.

HELL'S ANGELS AT SEA

It's now been revealed that the Hell's Angles plotted to kill Mick Jagger in 1969 because he bad mouthed them after Altamont. They tried a sea assault on Jagger's Long Island home, but a wave knocked the avenging Angels overboard.

Stick to the bikes, boys.

DEJA VU

Funeral arrangements were being made on Friday for 35 Pakistanis blown up by a suicide bomber at the funeral of a policeman who had been blown up by a suicide bomber earlier in the day.

(AP)