I DON'T NEED NO EJACATION

The Instructional Materials committee of the Richland, Washington school district has voted to ban the book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie.

Not one person on the seven member committee has read the book, but they heard bad things about it.

Makes me want to read it. ($12.91 at Amazon, $6.35 paperback.)

The Picayune School District in Mississippi had laid off 50 employees, making the district more picayune than ever.

SET 'EM UP, KNOCK 'EM DOWN

"Pursuing the Americans and Jews is not an impossible task.

"Killing them is not impossible, whether by a bullet, a knife stab, a bomb or a strike with an iron bar."

-- Ayman al-Zawahri, successor to Osama bin Laden as leader of al-Qaida.


"As we did both seek to capture and succeed in killing bin Laden, we certainly will do the same thing with Zawahri."

-- U.S. Admiral Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

ALCOHOL RELATED

Bristol Palin explains, in her new book, how she lost her virginity.

She was drunk.


Says she doesn't remember a bit of it.

When she confronted her boyfriend in the morning he apologized and promised that he wouldn't do it again.

But he did it again.

And Palin eventually became pregnant even though she was on birth control pills which she says were just for her cramps and not for, you know, birth control.

Still, Palin later made thousands of dollars as a spokeswoman against teen pregnancy so things turned out, you know, okay.

LOVE, AND THE CAR

A Florida man lay down in front of his girlfriend's car so that she couldn't leave without running him over.

She ran him over.

When planning a course of action, it's best to consider all possible outcomes.

DEAD, BUT OFF THE HOOK

The U.S. has has formally dropped criminal charges against Osama bin Laden. He being dead and all.

Osama still faces a number civil lawsuits.

MAN BITES DOG

A Florida couple foreclosed on their bank.


Bank of America foreclosed on the couple's home. Problem was, the couple never had a mortgage. But the bank didn't believe them, so they had to hire a lawyer to straighten things out.


Then the judge awarded the homeowners about $2,500 in legal fees, but the bank simply refused to pay. So their lawyer showed up at the bank branch with sheriff's deputies and a moving truck to seize the bank's assets.


The bank paid. 

LUNATIC LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Here's a piece of the latest lunatic letter to the editor of my local paper, the Tulsa World.

"It has become increasingly obvious that President Obama does not have a valid U.S. birth certificate and is a foreign national who hates America, our military and our way of life. It is also apparent that his ascent to the presidency was orchestrated by the left knowing knowing he was not eligible under the U.S. Constitution. They are trying to make his eligible by precedent, thus making the Constitution meaningless. He was groomed for this in Russia in the 1980s to make a push for a global Marxist society..."

And so on.

My first thought was that the writer was a lunatic.

But my second thought was that this letter was a clever satire, way too over the top to be serious.


But on third thought, I decided the writer was a lunatic.

AND IN CALIFORNIA, THEY WANT TO BAN IT

About two thousand boys went under the knife for a mass circumcision in the Philippines.


Just think, those are enough foreskins to make a set of matched luggage and a pair of shoes.

THOSE WACKY WEGISWATORS

Legislators in Alabama, Iowa, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, South Carolina and Virginia are working on laws to deny driver's licenses to high school dropouts.


That's just what this country needs: uneducated teens who can't drive to work.

VOLUNTEERS, ANYONE?

Some Afghan police are collecting an "Islamic tax." The tax is ten percent of whatever you've got. 


Police say the tax is voluntary. Those who decline to volunteer can be beaten into a coma with rifle butts, as has happened.


This, too, is voluntary.

CREATIVE ACCOUNTING

Groupon had an operating loss of $420 million last year.  But the company says its "adjusted consolidated segment operating income" was $60.6 million.


Or as The New York Times puts it, "The world would be richer if Groupon's notions of accounting caught on."

THE SCENT OF A MAN

Schick has announced the world's first men's scented razor, the Schick Xtreme3 Refresh disposable.


It smells like spearmint, citrus and rosemary.


Is that what a man smells like?  I wouldn't know; I'm a Gillette man myself.

FALLING SKIES

Last month a woman took a deadly dive from University Towers, a high rise apartment building couple blocks from me. Police called it suicide.


This week a man took the lethal plunge. Police say his wife helped him, they call it murder.


My neighborhood is becoming a hard hat zone.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

Fired Tulsa Police Officer Eric Hill testified in the federal trial of his former boss, retired Tulsa Police Corporal Harold Wells, who is charged, among other things, with planting dope on drug suspects.


Hill testified, "The general philosophy that was taught to us by Corporal Wells is that you keep the guilty guilty and never make the innocent guilty."


How comforting. 

QUOTABLE

"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringin' those bells and, um, makin' sure as he's ridin' his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that, uh, we were gonna be secure and, and we were gonna be free and we were gonna be armed."

-- Sarah Palin on the midnight ride of Paul Revere.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian died today at the age of 83.

Of natural causes.

...IF YOU'VE GOT 'EM

China has banned smoking in public places. But the law carries no penalty. 


That's my kind of law.

THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS ... WHO?

The Ku Klux Klan and the Westboro Baptist Church protested against each other at Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day.


Sometimes it's hard to know which side to root for.