I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM

The agency sent me to a nursing home tonight. The place was having an ice cream social and they needed extra security.

Those old folks go wild when they get a little ice cream.

RANDOM QUOTES

"I can understand Obama being touchy on the subject of producing your papers. Maybe he's afraid somebody's going to ask him for his."

-- Rush Limbaugh on Arizona's new immigration law.


"He's a celebrity idiot, but he IS a celebrity,”

-- Sam Adam Jr., one of the lawyers defending Rod Blagojevich on corruption charges, speaking of his client.


"If Kagan is confirmed, Jews, who represent less than 2 percent of the U.S. population, will have 33 percent of the Supreme Court seats. Is this the Democrats' idea of diversity?"

-- Pat Buchanan


"And the day will come when the mystical generation , by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."

-- Thomas Jefferson, in an 1823 letter to John Adams.

A PARKING PROBLEM

What did the truck bombs that destroyed the Murrah building in Oklahoma City, blew up in the basement of New York's World Trade Center, and the one that didn't go off in Times Square all have in common?

They were all parked illegally!

So now the Department of Homeland Security is training parking attendants to recognise suspicious vehicles.

Genius!

But wait. Only one was parked in attended parking. The other two were parked in the street.

Meter maids to the rescue!

BARACK OBAMA PRESIDED OVER THIS YEAR'S NATIONAL PRAYER BREAKFAST

"I believe that Barack Obama is God's punishment on us today"

-- Texas state Rep. Leo Berman


"Dear Lord, this year you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayzie (sic). You took my favorite actress, Farah (sic) Fawcett. You took my favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know, my favorite president is Barack Obama. Amen."

-- Anonymous Facebook page, with one million "thumbs up" so far.


"Pray for Obama Psalm 109:8."

-- On bumper stickers and t-shirts everywhere.


"Let his days be few; and let another take his office. Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow."

-- Psalm 109.:8


"`As a snail which melteth', Barack Obama, since you want to use your salt solution to kill babies in this country, Barack Obama, you're going to REAP what you SOW because one day, Barack Obama, you're going to be burning in HELL and you're going to feel a burning sensation all over your SKIN - which was the same sensation felt by every baby that was aborted in his mother's womb."

-- Pastor Steven Anderson of the Tempe, Arizona Independent Baptist Church

TODAY IS HOLOCAUST REMEMBERANCE DAY

"There was not one Jew killed in the gas chambers. It was all lies, lies, lies. The Jews created the Holocaust so we would prostrate ourselves on our knees before them and approve of their new State of Israel.... Jews made up the Holocaust."

-- Catholic Bishop Richardson Williamson


“JEWS KILLED JESUS! Yes, the Jews killed the Lord Jesus…Now they're carrying water for the fags; that's what they do best: sin in God's face every day, with unprecedented and disproportionate amounts of sodomy, fornication, adultery, abortion and idolatry! God hates these dark-hearted rebellious disobedient Jews.”

-- Pastor Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church

QUOTATIONS FROM WHEN MEN WERE "MEN" AND GAYS WERE NERVOUS

"I can tell you if there were any homosexuals in that group, they were taken care of in ways I can't describe to you."

-- Tennessee Republican congressional candidate and Vietnam veteran Ron Kirkland speaking to a Tea Party forum about the military "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy.


"I definitely wouldn't want to share a shower with a homosexual. We took care of that kind of stuff, just like (Kirkland) said."

-- House candidate and Iraqi war veteran Randy Smith speaking to the same forum.

SHALOM, PARDNER

Jewish Tulsa Magazine reports that David Epstein, publisher and managing editor of Western States Jewish History Quarterly Journal will deliver a talk Friday night at Temple Israel on "Jews of the Wild West" followed by a Saturday morning lecture "Rabbis of the Wild West."

(Insert punchline here.)