TRY, TRY AGAIN

Here in Oklahoma the other day, re-enactors re-fought the Civil War Battle of Honey Springs. The South lost again.

Next, the re-enactors will re-enact the Battle of Greenleaf Prairie. The South is again expected to lose.

A stampede of thousands killed 125 pilgrims at a Hindu temple in Jodhpur. India, where worshippers were honoring the Mother Goddess. The stampede was fueled by rumors of a bomb. There was no bomb.

Last month, a similar stampede killed 145 people at a temple in northern India on rumors of an avalanche. There was no avalanche.

There is no God. (Or maybe just no Mother Goddess.)

THERE WON'T BE NO ANOTHER TIME

On this day in 1960, John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon held the first ever televised presidential candidate debate. Nixon's face showed a five-o-clock shadow. He lost the election.

Tonight presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain held their first televised debate. Both were cleanshaven. We've come a long way, baby.

Would you buy a foreign spaceship? NASA wants to.

NASA plans to ground the shuttle in 2010. They're working on a replacement, but it won't be ready until 2016. So for at least six years there will be no U.S. craft to fly to the International Space Station. And whats a space agency without a spaceship?

So NASA wants to buy a Russian Soyuz, a compact three-seater job. But if you want a Soyuz you have to order three years in advance, so time's a'wastin'.

Americans drive foreign cars, so why not a foreign spaceship? And it'll probably get great gas mileage.

(USA Today)

Republican Senator and Presidential Candidate John McCain on the economy --

Monday: "The fundamentals of our economy are strong."

Tuesday: The economy is in "crisis," but the government should not bail out AIG.

Wednesday: The AIG bailout is regrettable but unavoidable.

Thursday: He wants to fire SEC Chairman Christopher Cox, who McCain previously voted to confirm.

Friday: Stay tuned.

(USA Today)

Quotation of the day --

"When all else fails, men turn to reason."

-- Late Israeli Foreign Minister Abba Eban.

Oklahoma State Senator Randy Brogdon will address the John Birch Society next month for their 50th anniversary.

According to the Tulsa World newspaper, "The society believes the world is ruled by a secret international cabal of industrialists operating behind a communist front. Among other things, it charged President Dwight Eisenhower and his brother Milton with being communist agents."

But I'm sure the Birchers are otherwise a bunch of fun guys.

Brogdon is campaigning against a secret plan to relinquish U.S. sovereignty and join with Mexico and Canada to form a single country called The North American Union.

Government sources deny there's such a plan.

But of course they would.

DEJA VU

President Bush proposes to bail out the country's failing financial industry. That could cost $700 billion.

The president says the plan will pay for itself through the sale of bank assets.

Of course, this is the same president who said that the war in Iraq would pay for itself.

Let me get this straight.

Socialized medicine: bad.

Socialized banking: good.

OK, just checking.

SEX IN THE MUSLIM WORLD

Premarital sex in Iran is punishable by death. So what's a loving couple to do?

No problem. They can avoid hanging, stoning or beheading by simply going to their friendly local cleric for a temporary marriage license. The license can be for as long as 99 years or as short as 30 minutes. This allows the the couple to share a hotel room without fear of death.

The woman must provide either a divorce decree or parental consent. No paperwork? No problem. A bribe will serve just as well.

(AP)

OH VANITY OF VANITIES

Here in Oklahoma, the Department of Motor Vehicles has rejected these vanity license plates as inappropriate and offensive:

• screwup
• imgay
• bufmama
• any reference to a person's posterior
• any reference to prostitution
• any plate with backward lettering, to be read in a rear view mirror.

(Tulsa World)