Now here's a line I bet you never thought of.

A middle aged Iowa man told a teenage girl he had leukemia and needed to have sex with her so he'd have a reason for living. It didn't work, and he's in jail.

(He made the proposition online, the girl was really a sheriff''s deputy, and the whole deal just went bad.)

Former president Jimmy Carter has apologized for calling current president George Bush the worst president in history. Carter says he just meant to say that Bush was a worse president than the late former president Richard Nixon.

Correction noted.

The Bureau of Land Management is having a problem with people who drag their computers into the forest and use them for target practice, and the bureau wants to ban it.

I can see both sides of this issue. No one wants the forest littered with computer bits. On the other hand, if you want to shoot your computer, there ought to be a place where you can do it.

Here in Oklahoma, the governor has signed into law a bill allowing judges to carry guns in the courtroom. Executions, however, will still be carried out by lethal injection.

Presidential candidate Tommy Thompson has an excuse.

At the Republican presidential debate, the question was: Should the boss be allowed to fire a gay guy just because the boss thinks homosexuality is immoral?

Thompson said yes. He said it emphatically. He said it "sincerely." He said it on television.

He's been apologising ever since.

Thompson says "There's nothing discriminatory about me." He says "I'm sorry." He says "It won't happen again." And he has variously offered these explanations --

• He didn't hear the question.
• He didn't understand the question.
• He's deaf in one ear.
• The battery in the hearing aid in his other ear went dead.
• He had the flu.
• He had bronchitis.
• He had to go to the bathroom.
• The dog ate his homework.

(OK, I just made up that last one.)

Street performers are auditioning before the Washington, D.C., Metropolitan Transit Agency for a chance to perform outside city subway stations.

All performers must be government approved.

The United States Air Force bombed New Jersey on Tuesday. Thirteen homes were damaged or destroyed, 2,500 more were evacuated, and there are an estimated 6,000 refugees.

The Garden State Parkway was shut down.

It was a friendly fire incident. An F-16 fighter jet dropped a flare on the Warren Grove Gunnery Range which started a wildfire that raged out of control.

Ground troops are moving in for mop up operations.

This is not the first time the Air Force has attacked New Jersey. In 2004 an F-16 missed the range completely and shot up the Little Egg Harbor Township elementary school with 20-mm cannon fire. There have been no fatalities so far, but there's still time.

The vote counting continues from Monday's mid term elections in the Philippines. The death toll is 126.

Police describe this year's elections as "generally peaceful." The death toll in 2004 was 189.

This year the going price for a vote was about $2(US). Or you could buy out a whole precinct for $1.200.

This year's Senior Games will be Wednesday at the Tulsa Jewish Retirement Center. Eighty-five athletes from three retirement homes will compete. Doctors from Hillcrest HealthCare System and Oklahoma State University Medical Center will be attending.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, founder of the Moral Majority, died this week. Let's take a look back at some examples of his wit and wisdom.

FALWELL ON 9/11

"The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, "You helped this happen." (quoted from John F Harris, "God Gave US 'What We Deserve,' Falwell Says," The Washington Post, September 14, 2001)

FALWELL ON PUBLIC EDUCATION

"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!" (Jerry Falwell, America Can Be Saved, 1979 pp. 52-53, from Albert J Menendez and Edd Doerr, The Great Quotations on Religious Freedom)

FALWELL ON POLITICS

"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country." (Sermon, July 4, 1976)

FALWELL ON JEWS

"The Jews are returning to their land of unbelief. They are spiritually blind and desperately in need of their Messiah and Savior." (Jerry Falwell, Listen, America!)

FALWELL ON SEX

"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." (on CNN's Crossfire, May 17, 1997)

In a recent survey here in Oklahoma, 31% of those questioned said abortion should be illegal. Of those people, 25% said exceptions should be made in the case of rape, incest, or to save the life of the mother.

Of those questioned, 65% said abortion should be legal. Of those who said abortion should be legal, 2% said it should be banned in cases of rape, incest, or to save the life of the mother.

Huh?!

Another recent survey shows that many people don't have the intelligence that God gave a rock.

(I made up that last part.)

From the last undelivered speech by the late Kurt Vonnegut:

"I think we can come up with a statement on which all Americans, Republican or Democrat, rich or poor, straight or gay, can agree, despite our country being so tragically ferociously divided. The first universal sentiment I came up with was: 'Sugar is sweet.' "

Someone spray painted gang tags near 700 year old petroglyphs at Petroglyph National Monument in New Mexico. But who is to say the ancient petroglyphs weren't also gang tags? And who is to say what archaeologists will find interesting 700 years from now?

Cocaine energy drink, under pressure from the FDA, is changing its name. But there is reportedly no truth to the rumor that it will be called Crystal-Meth.

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggan of Tontitown, Arkansas, are expecting their 17th child. Her name will be Jennifer. Their other children are named Joshua, Johanna, John, Jannah, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy, Jeremiah, Jedidiah, Jason, James, Justin and Jack.

That poor woman! It must be a blessing to be running out of "J" names.