A VENGEFUL GOD

“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now."

-- Michele Bachmann

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES

My cancer has spread to my lungs and brain.


So far, I have or have had cancer in my colon, lymph nodes, liver, lungs and brain.


Collect all five!


Treatments have included surgery, surgery, chemo, embolisation, radio ablation and surgery.


Next week, I start on radiation.


The adventure continues.

I FEEL THE EARTH MOVE

Remember that earthquake that hit the East Coast the other day? Now we know what caused it.

Gays.

So says New York Rabbi Yehuda Levin. He reports, "One of the reasons that God brings earthquakes to the world is because of the transgression of homosexuality. The Talmud states, 'You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn't belong. I too, will shake the Earth.'”

But, hey, some of his best friends might be gay.

The rabbi says, "We don't hate homosexuals. I feel bad for homosexuals. It's a revolt against God and literally, there's hell to pay."

So, that explains it, then.

REPUBLICAN MEMORIES OF 9/11/2001

Here are how some Republicans remember the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon:

•  "We inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation’s history. And President Bush dealt with it". -- Mary Matalin, December 2009.
• “We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush’s term."  -- President Bush's ex–Press Secretary Dana Perino November 2009.
• "We had no domestic attacks under Bush.” -- Ex–New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, January 2010.
• "We were certainly safe between 2000 and 2008 — I don’t remember any terrorist attacks on American soil during that period of time.” -- Fox News host Eric Bolling, July 2011.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"You develop an instant global consciousnesses, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, 'Look at that, you son of a bitch'"


-- Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell.

SENATOR COBURN EXPLAINS IT ALL TO YOU

Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn addressed local gatherings on Tuesday.He explained to the assembled that President Obama's "intent is to create dependency, because it worked so well for him."
"As an African-American male," Coburn explained, Obama received "tremendous advantages from a lot of these programs."

Coburn called his fellow Congress members "a class of career elitists" and "cowards" and said "it's a good thing I don't pack a gun on the Senate floor."

Speaking for my fellow Americans I believe we all agree that that is, indeed, a good thing.

DOWNGRADED, DEGRADED

So Standard and Poor has downgraded America's credit rating from AAA to AA+.

Is this the same ratings firm that gave a AAA rating to bundled mortgages containing toxic assets which bankrupted banks, crashed the stock market, ruined the economy, put Americans out of work, forced a government bailout and nearly caused a worldwide depression?

Yes, it is.

CRIME NEWS

Here in Tulsa, the judge sentenced a man to 75 years in prison for robbing a Walgreen's pharmacy while he free on bond for robbing a Walgreen's pharmacy.


Try once, and if you don't succeed...

***

As best I can make out, it was a game of strip golf that left a naked lady on the putting green at the Boiling Springs golf course over in Woodward County, Oklahoma, during the  Elks Lodge Rodeo Golf Tournament. The sheriff says he won't press charges because he can't find a complaining witness. 

***

And police don't know why a man climbed 150 feet up a Tulsa radio tower during a lightning storm., but they'll try to find out as soon as he comes down. He's been up there now for 19 hours.

(8/13 update -- After 36 hours he's still up there, and drawing a crowd.)

(8/14 -- He's still up there.)
(8/15 -- Still there!)
(8/16 -- Still.
8/17 update-- After 128 hours, he's down and safe, dehydrated but OK. Police are taking him to what they call a "mental health facility," what I call the "booby hatch.")

###

BETTER FOR THE BULL

This year's Weld County Fair in Colorado features bullfighting.


But it's a kinder, gentler bullfight. Instead of matadors, there will be rodeo clowns. And instead of killing the bull, the clowns will just annoy it a little.

POLITICS AS USUAL

Tulsa City Council elections are coming up. The candidate field includes:

• One convicted felon.
• Two deadbeat dads.
• One deadbeat mom.
• One arrest for assault with a deadly weapon.
• One arrest for assault on a policeman.
• One arrest for obstruction of justice. 
• Two DUI arrests,
• Four bankruptcies.

Let the campaigns begin!

CHICKEN CHOW

The letter board outside my local Tulsa Burger King reads --

Chicken Meal

$3.49

Does this sound appetising to you? To me it sounds like the stuff you spread on the ground for the chickens to peck at.

CALLING JIMMY CARTER

Here in Oklahoma, the Cherokee Nation held an election to choose a chief.

They've counted the vote three times.

They came up with different figures each time.

Where are the U.N. observers when you need them?

HOLD THE APPLAUSE

There's a new form of anti-government  protest in Belarus.

First, someone stands on a sidewalk, clapping. Then others join in, clapping. Eventually a crowd forms of people just standing there, clapping.

Then the police arrive, beat the clappers up and arrest them. Finally, a judge sentences them to 15 days in jail.

In Belarus, applause is illegal.

THE JEW FROM GALILEE

My local library pulled the book "The Man From Galilee" by Daniel Halevi Bloom after a patron complained the book was too Jewish.

The book is about the life of Jesus Christ.

The patron also complained that the book was written by "a Jewish author."

The Tulsa Library says it didn't pull the book because of the complaint. A committee reviewed the book and noted that it had been read so many times that it was in poor condition. So rather than replace this popular book with a fresh copy, they just dropped it from the collection.

Bold move, Tulsa library.

($39 from Amazon, $9.36 used)

I DON'T NEED NO EJACATION

The Instructional Materials committee of the Richland, Washington school district has voted to ban the book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie.

Not one person on the seven member committee has read the book, but they heard bad things about it.

Makes me want to read it. ($12.91 at Amazon, $6.35 paperback.)

The Picayune School District in Mississippi had laid off 50 employees, making the district more picayune than ever.

SET 'EM UP, KNOCK 'EM DOWN

"Pursuing the Americans and Jews is not an impossible task.

"Killing them is not impossible, whether by a bullet, a knife stab, a bomb or a strike with an iron bar."

-- Ayman al-Zawahri, successor to Osama bin Laden as leader of al-Qaida.


"As we did both seek to capture and succeed in killing bin Laden, we certainly will do the same thing with Zawahri."

-- U.S. Admiral Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

ALCOHOL RELATED

Bristol Palin explains, in her new book, how she lost her virginity.

She was drunk.


Says she doesn't remember a bit of it.

When she confronted her boyfriend in the morning he apologized and promised that he wouldn't do it again.

But he did it again.

And Palin eventually became pregnant even though she was on birth control pills which she says were just for her cramps and not for, you know, birth control.

Still, Palin later made thousands of dollars as a spokeswoman against teen pregnancy so things turned out, you know, okay.

LOVE, AND THE CAR

A Florida man lay down in front of his girlfriend's car so that she couldn't leave without running him over.

She ran him over.

When planning a course of action, it's best to consider all possible outcomes.

DEAD, BUT OFF THE HOOK

The U.S. has has formally dropped criminal charges against Osama bin Laden. He being dead and all.

Osama still faces a number civil lawsuits.