UP THE FOOD CHAIN

Idaho has a problem with pelicans that are eating up the Yellowstone Cutthroat Trout.

So the Idaho Department of Fish and Game has come up with a solution. They're bringing in skunks and badgers to eat the pelicans.

Next: How to get rid of skunks and badgers.

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"I don't want non-whites in my country in any form or fashion or any status."

-- Billy Roper, a write-in candidate for governor of Arkansas, a self avowed tea party member who says he attends tea party rallies to gather support.


“If I was a black man, I’d get down on my knees and thank God for slavery. Otherwise, I could be dying of AIDS now in Africa.”

-- Ron Wight, tea party activist, at an April rally in Kansas City


“What’s the difference between the Cleveland Zoo and the White House? The zoo has an African lion and the White House has a lyin’ African!”

-- Poster at an Ohio tea party rally.


“Obamacare: Coming soon to a clinic near you.”

-- Sign at a tea party rally, with a photo depicting President Obama as a tribal witch doctor, wearing a headdress and a bone through his nose.


“Congress = Slave Owner, Taxpayer = Niggar.”

-- Sign held by Dale Robertson, founder and president of Houston-based TeaParty.org at a 2009 tea party rally.

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, please refudiate."

(Refudiate?)

-- Sarah Palin's recent twitter.


"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."

-- Comedian Sam Levinson.

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS...

A British trader has been fined 72,000 pounds for trading oil futures while drunk.

Remember, don't drink and trade.

ALWAYS SIGNAL YOUR TURNS

The Oklahoma Highway Patrol pulled over driver Ricky Hunter for failing to signal a turn.

First, Hunter presented a fake driver's licence with a picture that didn't even look like him.

Next, he failed a field sobriety test.

Then, it turned out he was a Colorado prison escapee doing time for larceny.

So now, in addition to the escape charges, hunter faces local charges of driving under the influence, presenting a false I.D. and driving without a valid license.

And failure to signal.

GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE ARE OFF THE HOOK

Germany is presenting a Jewish-friendly passion play.

This year's script is even approved by Rabbi Gary Greenbaum of the American Jewish Committee.

The Bavarian village of Oberammergau opened the show in 1633 in return for God ending the Black Plague. It's performed every ten years and stars about half the village population of 2,500.

In the new version Christ is still crucified, but at least this time around my people didn't do it.

THE KING IS GONE

Police are searching for a seven foot tall statue of Elvis Presley stolen from the roof of the Happy Day Diner in Rosedale, Maryland.

Elvis has left the building.

HAPPY TRAILS

Wanna' buy a dead horse?

Not just any horse.

Trigger.

Trigger was Roy Rogers' famous horse. After he died -- the horse, not the cowboy -- he was lovingly stuffed and mounted, and is up for auction at Christie's Gallery in New York.

Also for sale, Roy Rogers' jeep -- Nellybelle -- his boots, 60 pairs, and his dog named bullet.

The dog is dead, but well preserved.

IN SPORTS...

American Rick "Pellet Gun" Krause won the International Chery Spitting Competition in Eau Claire, Michigan, with a 51 foot 3 inch spit.

His wife Marlene won the women's division with a pit spit of 34 feet 6 inches.

That's one small spit for a woman, one giant spit for mankind.

I'M JUST SAYIN'...

Coal mining deaths this year --

• 29 in an April 5th explosion in West Virginia.
• 90 in May in an explosion in Kaspadskaya, Russia.
• 152 in March through May in explosions, fires and floods in China.
• 47 in June in China's Henan province.
• 71 in an explosion in Columbia.

Nuclear power deaths this year --

• None.

Nuclear power deaths at Western power reactors, ever --

• None, ever.

I'm just sayin'...

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose."

-- J. B. S. Haldane, British biologist.


"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?"

-- Albert Einstein.

QUOTATION FROM THE LUNATIC FRINGE

"I actually support microchipping them. I can micro-chip my dog so I can find it. Why can't I microchip an illegal?"

-- Pat Bertroche, candidate for the Republican 3rd District primary in Iowa, on illegal immigrants.

ARROWS AND HAMMERS AND GAS, OH MY!

Canadian police stopped a car headed toward the Toronto G-20 summit and arrested the driver.

The car was transporting gasoline canisters, a chain saw, sledge hammers and a cross bow.

Police are not sure what the driver was up to, but believe it may have involved gasoline canisters, a chain saw, sledge hammers and a cross bow.

JEWS, GO HOME!

"Tell them [Jews] to get the hell out of Palestine. Remember, these people [Palestinians] are occupied, and it's their land, not Germany's, not Poland's. They should go home, to Poland, Germany, to America and everywhere else."

-- Newspaper columnist Helen Thomas



From the New York Times --

To the Editor:

"My mother, growing up in Poland in the 1930s, heard demonstrators shouting, 'Jews, go to Palestine.' Now Helen Thomas tells me that Jews should not be in 'Palestine.' They should go back to Germany and Poland.

"So, in other words, 65 years after my mother was liberated from a concentration camp in Germany, Jews are still being told that they don't belong.

"No, Ms. Thomas, I think my 85-year-old mother will stay right where she is, in Netanya, Israel, with her great-grandchildren, who were born in the Jewish state."

Sheba Mittelman
West Orange, New Jersey

FROM THE TULSA POLICE BLOTTER

Besides being a person of interest in the killing of rival gangster Kenneth Daniels, Isiah Hasan Gilbert is charged with resisting arrest and mistreating a police dog.

What kind of maniac would mistreat a police dog?

***

A Tulsa man with a machete walked into a local Whataburger hamburger joint and demanded money.

The clerk told him he couldn't have any money but he could have some french fries instead.

The man took the fries and left.

***

When Bill Petree smelled smoke coming from a neighbor's apartment, he called 911. Then he saw five or six people running from the apartment, including one woman who asked for help "controlling my lab."

When firefighters arrived, they found a meth lab and a pizza burning in the oven.

No one really knows who lived in the apartment. Several women and their children used to hang out there. No one has returned. The last legal occupant is nowhere to be found.

As Petree explains it, "I never knew who they all were, but it's Jerry Springer's world and we're just living in it."

###

(Tulsa World)

NO REST FOR THE WEARY

These are from actual "Help Wanted ads --

From a job posting on The People Place, a job recruiting website, by an anonymous electronics company in Angleton, Texas: "CLIENT WILL NOT CONSIDER/REVIEW ANYONE NOT CURRENTLY EMPLOYED REGARDLESS OF THE REASON."

Another job posting on The People Place, by Sony Ericsson: "NO UNEMPLOYED CANDIDATES WILL BE CONSIDERED AT ALL."

A Craigslist ad for assistant restaurant managers in Edgewater, N.J.: "MUST BE CURRENTLY EMPLOYED."

Job posting for a tax manager at an unnamed "top 25 CPA firm" in New York City: "MUST BE CURRENTLY EMPLOYED."

Welcome to the new economy.

A HOT TIME IN TULSA

There's going to be a public American flag burning in Tulsa today.

The Daughters of the American Revolution will do the burning.

They can do that.

No arrests are expected.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Where does South Carolina find these people? Here's the latest politician from that state to eat his foot:

"We already have one raghead in the White House, we don't need another in the governor's mansion."

-- South Carolina Republican State Senator Jake Knotts, referring to gubernatorial primary candidate Nikki Haley, also a Republican, who is of Indian descent.

WAIT! THIS JUST IN!

*****WARNING! GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD!*****

After making his remarks, Knotts repeated them to Free Times reporter Corey Hutchins. Only this time he said, "She's a fucking raghead."

According to Hutchins' Free Times article, "Knotts says he believed Haley has been set up by a network of Sikhs and was programmed to run for governor of South Carolina by outside influences in foreign countries."

Knotts went on to say, “We’re at war over there.”

He later clarified that remark, saying he did not mean the United States was at war with India, just with “foreign countries.”

LATEST OIL SPILL CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Rush Limbaugh: "Lest we forget ... the cap and trade bill was strongly criticized by hardcore environmentalist whackos because it supposedly allowed more offshore drilling and nuclear plants. What better way to head off more oil drilling and nuclear plants then by blowing up a rig?"

Dana Perino on Fox & Friends,: "I'm not trying to introduce a conspiracy theory, but was this deliberate? You have to wonder...if there was sabotage involved."

Eric Bolling on Fox & Friends: "Did they let this thing leak? ... if they're going to try and pull drilling, that may be the way they do it."

Greg Evensen is a former Kansas state trooper who's been making the interview circuit saying the government plans to evacuate 40 million people -- everyone from the coast of Texas to Cape Cod -- and place them in FEMA concentration camps. He says combat troops will begin the roundup around June 15th. Some of these troops may be foreign. Others will be "alien hybrids" disguised as US troops.

I wish I were making this up.

(Huffington Post)
(Mother Jones)
(Shattering the Darkness podcast)

PARTY TROOPERS

Those kids in Arizona are just having too much fun.

So the Bernalillo County Sheriff Department has formed a Party Patrol to break up underage parties.

The patrol includes 16 deputies and a helicopter.

Last weekend it busted 15 parties.

Deputies say the big problem seems to be graduation parties.

Yeah, that's a problem all right: all those seniors who insist on graduating.