IS THE STATE RIGHT?

Oklahoma State Representative Charles Key has introduced House Resolution 1063, the Oklahoma Sovereignty Protection Act, which says that "the state of Oklahoma is not bound in unlimited submission to the federal government."

OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't this issue settled a long time ago in The War of Northern Aggression?

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"Anime is a prime example of why two nukes just wasn't enough."

-- New Hampshire State Rep. Nick Levasseur, on Facebook.

HOMELAND INSECURITY

In Louisiana, the Bossier Parish sheriff is training citizens in hand-to-hand combat to protect the Shreveport area from terrorists.

The volunteer squad is now 200 strong and equipped with a .50 caliber machine gun.

The chief deputy says, "We will be ahead of the curve when it comes to Islamic extremists."

No Islamists have invaded yet, so the plan sees to be working.

AND IN THREE DAYS THE CHICKEN RETURNS

The First Baptist Church of Moore, Oklahoma, is presenting an Easter dinner theater.

The play is called "A Resurrection Dream."

Following the resurrection, roast chicken will be served.

CRIME STORIES

A Florida woman was asleep in bed when a stranger broke into the house, threw a $20 bill at her and demanded sex.

She managed to chase the man out of the house. Police arrested him and the woman kept the $20.

I love happy endings.

***

Minnesota police arrested a naked man who running through traffic on I-35. The man told them that he was the devil, he had killed God and he had the code to heaven.

The man is in jail. The whereabouts of God are not known.

***

A man who falsely claimed to be a cop backed into another car on a Chicago street on Friday. But the car he backed into was driven by a real cop, who arrested him.

###

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

“Baby-killer”
-- Texas Republican Congressman Randy Neugebauer, yelled from the House floor during Michigan Democrat Bart Stupak’s speech before Sunday evening’s health care vote.

“Mr. President, this is a big fucking deal,”
-- Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. on live TV at the health care bill signing celebration.

"And yes Mr. Vice President, you're right."
-- White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, on Twitter.

QUOTATIONS OF THE DAY

"The health care bill, ObamaCare, is dead with not the slightest prospect of resurrection."
-- Fred Barnes in "The Weekly Standard," January 22, 2010.

"Health Care Is Dead--Just Don't Tell the Left"
-- "Reason" magazine, January 22, 2010.

"You know, I've been telling my staff nine months, 'They can't pass this bill.' And finally my staff wrestled me to the ground last fall and said, 'Mr. Boehner, we have to quit saying this because they're gonna pass this bill.' And I looked at my staff and I said, 'Alright, I'll try to throttle it back a little bit. But it'll be over my dead body.'"
-- Representative John Boehner (R-Ohio), March 17, 2010.

UPDATE -- At last report, Representative Boehner was still alive.

VERY SSRI

Thieves broke into an Eli Lilly & Co. warehouse in Connecticut and stole $75 million worth of antidepressants.

Well, I hope they're happy now.

INVOKING GOD

"Faith has been perverted. They are going to vote for this damn thing on a Sunday, which is the Sabbath, during Lent."

"Here is a group of people that have so perverted our faith and our hope and our charity, that is a -- this is an affront to God."

-- Glen Beck on the health care vote.

HEAVENLY BODIES

Here in Oklahoma, prosecutors have charged Nathanael Christian with breaking into churches and using their computers to look at online pornography.

Police say he ran up a $300 phone bill at one church by calling sex-talk lines.

When asked why, of all the places that have computers, he chose churches to break into, Mr. Christian said he "has always been very religious."

IT'S THE ANIMAL IN ME

There will be no "monkey men" in Oklahoma.

The Oklahoma House has passed a bill banning human-animal hybrids.

Evidently this is not just a problem in Oklahoma. The Arizona legislature is working on a similar bill.

This is not a new issue. President Bush called for a human-animal hybrid ban in his state of the union speech in 2006, but Congress at the time did not take up the challenge.

Canada banned the hybrids years ago.

Animal-human combos are called chimeras, and until recently were considered mythical creatures. Centaurs would be one example.

These days, bad human heart valves are routinely replaced with ones from cows and pigs, creating, in effect, a chimera.

I don't know if any centaurs or monkey-men or goat-boys actually exist. But if they do, they better not come to Oklahoma. Or Canada.

Are you listening, Doctor Moreau?

QUOTATIONS FROM THE LUNATIC FRINGE

"We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term."

-- Former White House press secretary Dana Perino, on Fox News.


"We had no domestic attacks under Bush."

-- Rudy Giuliani on ABC's "Good Morning America."


"When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."

-- Humpty Dumpty, from "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"Earlier today, the president of Haiti was at the the White House with President Obama. He said the people of his country need jobs, they need places to live, and they need health care. And then the president of Haiti spoke."

-- Jay Leno

IT'S SCIENCE

"Those who do not believe that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God will find many points in this book puzzling. This book was not written for them."

"(A) Christian worldview ... is the only correct view of reality; anyone who rejects it will not only fail to reach heaven but also fail to see the world as it truly is."

-- from "Biology: Third Edition" published by Bob Jones University Press, a science textbook widely used for home schooling.

HATE IS A FAMILY VALUE

What's with Oklahomans and their hate crimes?

The Oklahoma Senate passed a bill that would allow state law enforcement agencies to refuse to assist federal agencies in prosecuting hate crimes. It would also withhold reports, records and files.

The bill passed 39 to 6.

Oklahomans love to hate, and no fed is going to tell them otherwise.

(Tulsa World)

I HAVE HERE IN MY HAND A LIST

The pope's chief exorcist (really!) says "the Devil is at work inside the Vatican."

Father Gabriele Amorth says there are "cardinals who do not believe in Jesus, and bishops who are linked to the Demon."

So far, he's not naming names.

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"(My grandmother) told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed! You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or person ample food supply. They will reproduce."

-- South Carolina Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer on food stamps, speaking at a town hall meeting.

A POT OF WHAT?

The Oklahoma House has passed a bill to legalise home-brewed beer.

But one lawmaker objected, saying it could lead to the legalisation of marijuana.

I'll drink to that.

THE POLL TOLL

Today was election day in Iraq. The death toll is 38.

FREE-RANGE FOOD

Problem: The zebras were suffering from overrpopulation at Kenya's Soysambu Conservancy.

Meanwhile, the lions at Amboseli National Park were starving.

Solution: Move the zebras in with the lions.

Problem solved.

Isn't nature wonderful?

CRASHING THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE

Two Tulsa pilots died when their small plane crashed in nearby Bristow.

The brother of one of the pilots said, "We all get a certain amount of solace knowing that he died doing something he loved to do."

That would be screaming in terror as the plane plunged toward the ground.

NO EGGS FOR YOU

The Oklahoma House just passed a bill to make it illegal for women to sell their eggs to fertility clinics.

However, an amendment banning men from selling sperm failed to pass.

So sell 'em if you've got 'em, boys.

IT SHOULD BE NOTED

It should be noted that Tilkum the killer whale now has three confirmed kills.