YES, WE HAVE NO CUCUMBERS

Al-Qa'eda in Iraq has some new rules that it is enforcing:

• Ice cream is forbidden because it did not exist during the life of Mohammed.
• Women may not buy cucumbers or other suggestively shaped vegatables because... well, just because.

(Telegraph.co.uk)

The Archdiocese of Cincinnati has issued to priests a list of inappropriate behaviors with children, including:

• No kissing.
• No Tickling.
• No wrestling.
• No lap-sitting.
• No piggyback rides.

To these rules I might add:

• No playing naked movie star.
• If you play doctor, don't use an anal thermometer.

THE RICH GET RICH AND...

The good news is, the number of working poor is down in Tulsa, according to the latest survey.

The bad news is that the number of non-working poor is up.

What a great way to thin the ranks of working poor: Fire them.

MEXICO ATTACKS U.S.

Four Mexican soldiers held a U.S. Border Patrol at gunpoint in Arizona.

It wasn't until the soldiers realized they weren't in Mexico anymore that they lowered their weapons and retreated southward.

THROUGH FUR TWOFER

A pit bull was attacking a 9-year-old Detroit boy. So grandpa got his gun ... and shot the boy.

Actually, the bullet passed though the dog first. It was a twofer.

The boy is expected to recover. The dog's OK too.

THEY DOUBLE AS SLINGSHOTS

Warning: Those German bulletproof bras are not really bulletproof.

German police are issuing what they are calling "bulletproof bras" to women officers. The bras are made to be worn under bulletproof vests. What's different about these plain cotton bras is that they have no metal or plastic parts to endanger the officer. They also say "police' (polizei) on the seam.

So you can wear this bra proudly. Just remember, it won't stop bullets.

BABE MAGNETS BANNED

The Associated Press reports from Riyadh, the capitol city of Saudi Arabia --

"The sale of dogs and cats has been banned because authorities say men use them to hit on women."

Always worked for me.

I was a newscast writer/producer at KOTV here in Tulsa. I see that my old station (and its sister station KQCW) just fired thirteen employees.

The Tulsa World newspaper reports that the layoffs were to "align staffing levels with business needs," according to Vice President of Strategy Joyce Reed. Do they teach such obfuscatory language in business school?

The vice president and CEO declined to comment for the World article. The general manager of the sister station declined to comment. So as the news ball rolled downhill, comment was left to the vice president of strategy.

Joyce Reed said, "It was not a matter of cost cutting."

But did he say this with a straight face?